When Child-Led Play Isn’t Working (at Wonder Studio)
“Live your life as an experiment.” says Pema Chodron, one of my favorite teachers.
Try different things, discover what works, what doesn’t work, learn about yourself.
I think this approach also works well with our children. Many things are uncertain, just when we think we know these little ones, they go and change on us. We have to be willing to embrace the challenge of parenting and caregiving.
If we treat conflicts as a problem, we are going to be up against a very long road.
We hold these as truths: children are competent, strong, resilient, resourceful and driven toward relationship with each other, with ideas, and with the world. Though they come to us as full citizens of the world, they do need us. What can we as adults offer them? Tools and techniques we have learned from experience. The loan of control when theirs is not quite sufficient for the situation. The loan of confidence while theirs is still growing.
Below are some recent examples of when I see Child-led play not working at Wonder Studio.
And, these were also direct questions from parents/caregivers.
Not engaging - no playing - won’t leave caregivers side.
Not engaging - no playing - Wandering wandering wandering, always checking boundaries of space
Not sharing - not socializing
Asking to leave - go to playground, etc…
Not staying for circle time.
How can we move from this isn’t working to embracing these challenges in our child’s life, and teaching and learning some techniques to support them in their journey?
Child-led play is a continuum of support.
I like this model:
The Adult-Child Interaction Continuum
(The Child has sufficient control to negotiate) ————→ The child has little control. Adult offers high degree of support.
Looking on —> Reflective Statement —> “What” Question —> Directive Statement —> Physical Support
Start at the left and go only as far to the right as you must in order for the child to exercise their voice.
(From: Embracing Challenges in Early Childhood Education by Pam Oken-Wright)
Let’s get into it!
Scenario 1: Not engaging, won’t leave caregiver’s side.
The benefit of coming to Wonder Studio each week is that we develop a relationship with each other and the environment.
It takes a number of weeks for us to get to know your child and for them to get to know Wonder Studio, our routines, what this place is all about, etc… So, we first begin with Deep Listening.
We are observing through our “systems” how the child engages at Wonder Studio.
Our main system is the Routine and consistency in attendance.
The Routine:
Entry - saying hello, washing hands, taking off shoes, etc…
Playtime
Clean Up time
Circle Time.
Saying Goodbye.
It’s important that we give the child a number of weeks to understand the consistency of this routine.
I urge parents to not skip any of these elements.
This is a part of the class that I think it’s important for the parents/caregivers to be more directive and be the child’s facilitator in helping them to learn the routine. After a few weeks, the consistency of this will allow for a deep trust for the child in knowing what Wonder Studio is all about.
Issue No. 1: Child isn’t engaging.
We begin at the left part of the continuum. Proceed through the steps with pauses, allowing time for the child to take the lead. Moving on to the next step only if child doesn’t initiate.
Looking On:
This is about presence and non-judgement
Observing your child. Showing them you are engaged and there with them.
Get down on their level.
Try to not be distracted by other people, phone, etc..
Sometimes, that can be enough to help them feel they have your attention and you are right there.
Non-Directive Statement:
This is where curiosity is our best friend.
Model independence and leading your own play.
Statements like:
I wonder what we can play with today?
I wonder what the kids are doing over there?
I am feeling in my body that I want to see what there is to paint today?
I am feeling like I don’t know where to start? Hmmmm….
Tune into the senses, model for your child.
I see the water table.
I hear the wind tunnel.
I like feeling the blocks, etc…
What Question:
NOT WHY questions!!
This is us trying to learn how to support the child in their independence.
“What looks interesting to you today?”
“What do you see?”
“What do you feel like is calling your name?”
“What are you curious about?”
Notice these are still open-ended questions, not yes/no.
Directive Statement
If the child is unable to respond to any of the above, we move along the continuum to offer more and more support.
“Let’s go paint.”
“I am so curious about the worms, let’s go take a look.”
Physical Intervention
Always the last one - but sometimes necessary.
I see you’re having trouble choosing, I’m going to help you by holding your hand and we can walk over together.
Or, I’m going to pick you up and we can go paint together.
Now, obviously I have over-simplified this approach and we all know it doesn’t always work out this easy but sometimes it does work out this easy.
My other big piece of advice is to talk about Wonder Studio before you come - and then after the visit, help your child to self-reflect.
Even, non-verbal kids really benefit from this.
That’s all I have time for at the moment, but we can use this model in class and talk more there or in next week’s newsletter!
Stay curious!!
